I'm finally free! Free! The following video most accurately sums up my feelings during the last couple days of my "host family" experience. Enjoy.
In short, I'm extremely grateful to be out of that situation. My only regrets are leaving behind a really cute, sweet dog that those people don't deserve, as well as the sexy J-Lo picture hanging above my sleeping couch. It was very tempting to pull an "oopsie" and throw that in my suitcase during my angry packing session. The last couple days with my host were very unpleasant, to say the least, and mostly involved me avoiding her and her alternately going out of her way to ignore me/do everything in her power to make things uncomfortable for me when I came home. My favorite incident was when she, assuming that I was using the apartment WiFi decided to make a point of shutting it off during the middle of a Skype call with my parents. Of course, I, assuming that she would do something nasty like that once I informed her that I was leaving, had already purchased a new simcard for my modem (aircard) and was able to carry out my conversation while she stood outside of my door for a good minute or so trying to wrap her brain around how I was able to keep talking despite her best efforts to thwart me (witchcraft). Foiled again! That's about the extent of her cunning. In any case, I've seen the last of her and can sleep easy knowing that she won't be funding her trip to China with my December rent money. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Really, you have no idea how happy that makes me.
Needless to say, my life has taken a definite turn for the better since evacuating to the left island of Irkutsk. I should mention that left-island Irkutsk is an extremely dangerous place. Yes, Irina was kind enough to inform me of this when she sensed the first signs of dissent and gleaned that I might be planning on moving here. So, just so you know, left-island Irkutsk is sort of like Mad Max. Packs of wild, deranged youth roam the streets, wantonly shooting the elderly (and small children) on public transportation and beating people to death on their way to university. Young, curly haired, slovenly people who refuse to pay $50 a month for the privilege of doing their laundry...Speaking of which, it was very strange today doing my laundry without someone complaining at me the entire time.
My two week's worth of laundry--does my opulence know no end!? There's like, two pairs of pants there. Good lord. I am literally the worst person in the world.
Right, moving along...so these days I'm living in Phillip's new apartment. Phillip has gained 1,000 Kelsey points for this great act of kindness and a promise that he won't be blacklisted for at least until the end of the semester. In all seriousness, it's really awesome of him to let me crash here until December because that means that I don't have to pay two weeks worth of rent in a new host family. My soon to be new host very kindly offered to let me move in early and rent free until December but I would feel uncomfortable taking her up on that offer. A day or two rent free is one thing but feeding me out of pocket for two weeks is too much to ask. Like I said, people here are really kind so I try not to let this whole fiasco with my former host get me down!
Sometimes that's easier said than done when I'm eating like this due to my need to be frugal this month since I'm out two weeks worth of rent/food money.
Maybe Irina wasn't so off base in calling me a bum. Note my stylish wife beater. It was destroyed today in the bathtub due to my innate slovenliness and cutting corners when it comes to doing laundry. Foo.
When I get sad eating only ramen and spicy carrots for dinner I remember that I'm eating ramen and spicy carrots for dinner without the scrutiny of an avaricious, nagging woman around to critique my every move. And then I suddenly feel much happier. I'm probably behaving like much more of a slob than usual since I've been on pins and needles since, well, the start of September. It's probably a good thing that I'm living alone for a little while so I can blow off some steam before I move into a new host family and have to start behaving like a well adjusted member of society again.
Until that time, I have the run of Phillip's new, terrifying apartment. It is truly a place of nightmares. I'm convinced that the previous owner was Russian Ted Bundy. Here's a list of some of the creepiest items Phillip and I have uncovered during our time cleaning out the apartment:
- A ponytail of human hair stored in one of the kitchen drawers
Phillip with the offending item. There are no words for this. Well, at the time I think they were, "KELSEEEEEY. COME HERE. YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS." And then "Oh. My. God." And some other exclamations. The language pledge was broken many times over in this instance.
The good news is that under a (deep) layer of filth and terrifying discoveries, the apartment is actually really nice and spacious and will be a great place once it's cleaned up/out.
It's a very friendly layer of filth.
Until then, I leave you with some of my favorite discoveries.
One of many books about weaponry. A favorite theme of the previous owner, along with cats.
I don't know what this is but I was happy to get rid of it. Dear god.
Collection of pornographic shot glasses.
The axe in the closet. Not so much that it's an axe but that it's just chillin out in the closet.
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